Whilst I have the large portrait, a small portrait commission and 6 comic pages on the easel- other projects are simmering impatiently around the corner as well as my own ideas, this is requiring me to dig in technically. I no more have a comfort zone technique than I do style or subject. For my own work I'm still hankering for the pottery I had to give up 6 years ago. scratching spontaneous intuitive drawings into the dried clay & watching glazes transform them. ( Although in reality I was more busy trying to keep the shelves full, mug oakleaf, mug rowan, button button button, mug squiggle ).
So wrestling with what I'm trying to achieve & why, bouncing it off people, teasing out which threads are mine, which are other peoples. Sometimes I feel like I'm flotsam on a homeopathic ocean soaking up & retaining the memory of EVERYTHING in a chaotic mess. The art establishment, art college, current attitudes in UK etc have built in so many layers of negative criticism - everything needs to be boxed, labeled, branded. I seem to forever be fighting an inner voice telling me that whatever I'm doing is never of any worth, where does it fit? So I have to fight to improve, fight to filter these voices, fight to just do it for its own sake. Its all a leap of faith really - another battle! a 'play' battle.
Why am I writing this indulgent waffle? because I know many artists suffer the same- so lets deal with it together! I'd go completely bonkers in my garret & own head if it wasn't for the feedback & company of virtual friends. Thanks Goodness for the social network revolution!
So I started working on a blank canvas yesterday with no preconceived idea of imagery or colours; I liked the early brush doodles, but once I started trying to define areas & add colours it became cartoony and over worked, So I will probably reject this one,. but it lead to the drawing which I like ( but galleries don't like drawings says the negative voice ! );
Oils may give me more fluidity- but I'm loath to get them out when I have a big acrylic canvas on the go, in my small space smeary emulsifying chaos could ensue. Onwards!